The
communication between adults and children is not always easy. Although children
understand more than you think, they often lack even the words to make yourself
understood. In addition, the ambiguous question of parents, overwhelm the
children often. It is extremely important that children can trust their parents
- sometimes even vital. This mother remembers just in time, the damage they
almost havoc with their questions:
"How
is it that good parents overlook child abuse? - By not asking the right
questions!
One
day my son was in the Halloween party a classmate. When I picked him up after a
few hours, I looked at his broad smile that he had a good time. Just before we
went I was with the Father and the grandmother of his friend at the door.
Both
told me how exemplary my son had behaved. My mother's heart was relieved. Thank
God: no hassle, no trouble!
I
steered my good humored child in the car and drove home. But during the trip I
felt uncomfortable. Something was wrong.
As
it came over me cold. Oblivious to the traffic light, I drove to the nearest
parking lot. From behind came a well deserved honking. But I was out of line.
Because I had ever experienced - when I was a child.
Flashback
I
remembered how I had been abused as a little girl by a teenager from the
relationship, and how my mother asked a few innocent questions to visit
relatives:
"Have
you behaved yourself? Have you been like? Were you a good girl? "
My
mother did not know:
.
1 that the teenager, who lived there, had threatened me before their arrival
(sometimes he was right behind her and clenched his fists or gave me dirty
looks for)
.
2 that these issues, particularly in the presence of the person who abused me
for sexual experimentation, I signaled in my innocence, that I had to obey my
supervisor in any case;
.
3 I, because I had answered at the door with "Yes", thought this
answer no longer be able to take back later (which would have meant that I
would have to explain my "lie" of previously).
When
parents ask their children in the presence of other children and adults,
whether they were well-behaved, they often find themselves forced to say yes.
Therefore
I turned around in the parking lot to my son and looked him in the eye. again
from the beginning I started. I asked the right questions.
Maybe
you should consider also to ask these questions if your child the next time is
under foreign supervision. I asked my son in private:
- Did you amused yourself?
- How did you spend the time?
- What was your best experience at the party?
- What was your experience unangenehmstes?
- Have you felt yourself?
- Is there anything else happens, you tell me you want?
Make
this question by way of a fixed ritual. In addition, it might be helpful to
explain to your children that they can complement the narrative at any time,
should occur to them later what.
The
mistake I made that day, is very common
among parents. We feel as masters of the situation, as long as we ask
questions. But more specifically parents need everything in question make -. At
the right time, the right
place "
The
author of the review, the 22-year-old activist Tonya GJ Prince from the United
States, which on its website information on the serious issue of sexual
violence and enlightens. With this startling story it appeals to all adults,
not only to have an open ear for the concerns of children, but to ask them the
right questions. In addition, relatives of the victims and victims of sexual
abuse should always seek professional help. A good place to start is this
portal .
Source
: heftig.co