When I was 18 years old, I
suffered from anxiety and stomach problems. A compassionate physician and
practicing Buddhist referred me to a Taoist monk who specialized in meditation
and martial arts. I ended up healing myself of anxiety and stomach
issues by doing meditation, and went on a great journey of
self-discovery.
Here are 9 lessons I
learned while studying with a monk:
1. Keep
trying until you get it right.
The most important life
lesson I learned was trying something three times (maybe even four times)
before you stop trying and move on. Also, this monk taught me that, even
after multiple tries, you should work on different angles to approach things
that are difficult.
If you keep trying, you’ll
eventually get where you’re going.
2. The
answer to your question is inside of you.
As part of the original
monastery training, a monk didn’t answer direct questions from a student unless
it was a well thought-out question. A Chinese proverb says, “Teachers open the
door, but you must enter by yourself.”
Some forms of Zen Buddhism
use a very similar style of training. An old saying (by
Taoist monks) goes like this: “In making a four corner table, the teacher shows
the student how to make one corner. It’s the student’s job to figure out how to
make the other three.”
They did this because they
were preparing a student to deal effectively with problems in the real world.
I traveled to South Korea
one time, and I found it fascinating how much you have to rely on your
intuition when you don’t speak the native language of a country. I remember one
instance, I had trouble explaining to the cab driver where my hotel was, and he
didn’t speak English. So I had to get out of the cab and ask several people
until I could find someone to tell the cab driver in Korean how to get to my
hotel.
In life, whenever we try
new things, we have to go into new places with only a small amount of
information. The real world doesn’t give us all the answers. The greatest
teacher is inside of us.
3. Real
wisdom in life comes from doing something and failing.
Prior to starting
meditation, I used to get upset when I’d try something and fail.
I’ve been in sales since I
was sixteen. I remember going to work and getting so angry with myself because
I didn’t get a sale. If I ever got rejected, I’d get upset with myself, and I’d
want to quit my job. But I just keep failing over and over—until I became good
at it.
I remember, when I first
started doing meditation, I ran into several problems. For example, at
first it was difficult to calm down; but if you stick with it, its gets easier
and easier. I tried for only a few minutes, and then every day, I added more
time onto my meditation.
When we struggle, we learn
about ourselves and what we need to do to become stronger.
4. When you start to do meditation
you recognize the egotistical mind.
Everything in the ego’s
world is the result of comparing. I compared myself to other
salesmen and would blame myself because I wasn’t making as much money as
them.
When I started doing
meditation, I began to build separation from this egoistical mind, which is
consistently making these comparisons. A lot of us try something and get
rejected, so we give up. Even worse, we blame ourselves for a long time and get
depressed. When I started to do meditation, I began to identify my ego and was
able to build separation from it.
That’s what happens when
we meditate: We separate from the part of ourselves that dwells on comparisons,
and start learning to live a life that isn’t driven by our egos.
5. We
must be both compassionate and resilient.
The monk wouldn’t meet
with me to train unless I called him a minimum of three times. I hated this
part. I used to call and call and he would never answer. But this is how life
is. How many times do you have to call or email someone to get something done
in the real world? It’s usually several times.
Most of us blame ourselves
when we try once to do something and fail. At the time, I hated this part of
the training, but now I think it was the most important life lesson.
There’s a Taoist proverb
that says, “Cotton on the outside, steel on the inside.”
It reminds us to be
compassionate, but not weak.
6.
Patience is a virtue.
The monk always made me
wait—and I dreaded this.
For example, when I got to
his house to train, he’d make me wait for a minimum of a half-hour, sometimes
longer. We’d go out to dinner on Friday nights and he’d show up at the
restaurant an hour late.
He’d tell me to meet him
at a particular restaurant at 7:00. I’d get there and find out that he wasn’t
there. So I’d usually be sitting in the restaurant by myself fumbling with my
phone, acting like I was texting someone, while worrying about what everyone at
the restaurant was thinking about me.
Keep in mind, it’s not
like I could call him; I don’t think the guy ever turned his cell phone on.
Then he’d show up at about 8:15 and act like nothing happened.
His first question was
always, “How’s your mother and father?” (Of course in my head I’m thinking,
“What do you mean, ‘How’s my mother and father?’ I just waited here for an hour
and fifteen minutes.”)
But after a few years of
this, it never bothered me; and not only that, it spread to every area of my
life. Because of this training, I can honestly say that I very rarely get upset
about anything. I never get agitated anymore when I have to wait in a long line
or when someone cuts me off on the highway.
Patience is the gift of
inner calm.
7. Detach
from your ego.
At first, it’s hard to sit
at a restaurant by yourself. You’re constantly worrying, thinking that people
probably think you’re a loser because you’re sitting by yourself. But the
reality is, you will never be happy if you care about what people think you!
Prior to starting
meditation, I’d get upset over just about anything. Now, nothing really bothers
me. Recently, I was in the airport and there was a several hour delay on my
flight. I just used that time to do meditation. Ten years ago, I would have
become extremely upset. An airplane delay would have ruined my day.
When you let go of your
ego needs, it’s easier to accept and even benefit from whatever comes at you.
8. In
Taoism, they say, “No self, No enemy.”
It’s the enemy within that
causes all of our fears, worries, and insecurities. If you come to terms with
this enemy within, it will impact every area of your life. It’s the
identification with the “self/ego” that causes all of life’s problems.
How many times do we not
go for something because of fear? Think about all the fears that we have conjured
up in our minds that stop us from being truly happy. If you can conquer the
enemy within yourself, you won’t have an enemy outside yourself.
9.
Happiness come from within, and also comes from outside.
I learned this from
observing the Buddhist Physician I met. He used to do meditation in his office
before he would interact with his patients. He was one of the happiest and most
compassionate people I’ve ever met.
By creating
happiness inside, he was able to increase that emotional state by
spreading it to others.
We must cultivate
happiness from within, and work to spread it around to everyone we interact
with. The monk used say, “Everyone has a purpose or a mission in life.”
We have to find happiness
within, and also find our purpose on the outside.
Source=wakeup-world.com