Family isn’t always
blood. They’re the people in your life
who appreciate having you in theirs – the ones who encourage you to improve in
healthy and exciting ways, and who not only embrace who you are now, but also
embrace and embody who you want to be.
These people – your real family – are the ones who truly matter.
Here are twenty tips to
help you find and foster these special relationships.
1.Free yourself from negative people. –
Spend time with nice
people who are smart, driven and likeminded.
Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the
person you want to be. Choose friends
who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you – people
who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it. Life is too short to spend time with people
who suck the happiness out of you. When
you free yourself from negative people, you free yourself to be YOU – and being
YOU is the only way to truly live. Read
Stumbling on Happiness.
2.Let go of those who are already gone. –
The sad truth is that
there are some people who will only be there for you as long as you have
something they need. When you no longer
serve a purpose to them, they will leave.
The good news is, if you tough it out, you’ll eventually weed these
people out of your life and be left with some great people you can count on. We rarely lose friends and lovers, we just
gradually figure out who our real ones are.
So when people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who
leaves you. It doesn’t mean they are bad
people; it just means that their part in your story is over.
3.Give people you don’t know a fair chance. –
When you look at a
person, any person, remember that everyone has a story. Everyone has gone through something that has
changed them, and forced them to grow.
Every passing face on the street represents a story every bit as
compelling and complicated as yours. We
meet no ordinary people in our lives. If
you give them a chance, everyone has something amazing to offer. So appreciate the possibility of new
relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work. Trust your judgment. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you
are entering into unfamiliar territory.
Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet
someone that might just change your life forever.
4.Show everyone kindness and respect. –
Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those
who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are. There are no boundaries or classes that
define a group of people that deserve to be respected. Treat everyone with the same level of respect
you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would
have with your baby brother. People will
notice your kindness.
5.Accept people just the way they are. –
In most cases it’s impossible to change them
anyway, and it’s rude to try. So save
yourself from needless stress. Instead
of trying to change others, give them your support and lead by example.
6.Encourage others and cheer for them. –
Having an appreciation
for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive,
fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy
for those who are making progress. Cheer
for their victories. Be thankful for
their blessings, openly. What goes
around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will
start cheering for you.
7.Be your imperfectly perfect self. –
In this crazy world
that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep beingyour awesome self. And when they laugh
at you for being different, laugh back at them for being the same. Spend more time with those who make you smile
and less time with those who you feel pressured to impress. Be your imperfectly perfect self around
them. We are not perfect for everyone,
we are only perfect for those select few people that really take the time to
get to know us and love us for who we really are. And to those select few, being our
imperfectly perfect self is what they love about us.
8.Forgive people and move forward. –
Don’t live your life with
hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you
hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What
you did to me is okay.” It is saying,
“I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or
forgetting what happened. It means
you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn
from the incident and move on with your life.
Remember, the less time you spend hating the people who hurt you, the
more time you’ll have to love the people who love you.
9.Do little things every day for others. –
Sometimes those little things occupy the biggest part
of their hearts. You can’t be everything
to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people. Decide who these people are in your life and treat
them like royalty.
10.Pay attention to who your real friends are. –
As we grow up, we realize
it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real
ones. Remember, life is kind of like a
party. You invite a lot of people, some
leave early, some stay all night, some laugh with you, some laugh at you, and
some show up really late. But in the
end, after the fun, there are a few who stay to help you clean up the mess. And most of the time, they aren’t even the
ones who made the mess. These people are
your real friends in life. They are the
ones who matter most.
11.Always be loyal. –
True love and real friendship aren’t about
being inseparable. These relationships are about two people being true to each
other even when they are separated. When
it comes to relationships, remaining faithful is never an option, but a
priority. Loyalty is everything.
12.Stay in better touch with people who matter to you. –
In human relationships
distance is not measured in miles, but in affection. Two people can be right next to each other,
yet miles apart. So don’t ignore someone
you care about, because lack of concern hurts more than angry words. Stay in touch with those who matter to
you. Not because it’s convenient, but
because they’re worth the extra effort.
Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of
friends you can be certain of. Paying
attention to these people is a priority.
13.Keep your promises and tell the truth. –
If you say you’re going to do something, DO
IT! If you say you’re going to be
somewhere, BE THERE! If you say you feel
something, MEAN IT! If you can’t, won’t,
and don’t, then DON’T LIE. It’s always
better to tell people the truth up front.
Don’t play games with people’s heads and hearts. Don’t tell half-truths and expect people to
trust you when the full truth comes out; half-truths are no better than
lies. Remember, love and friendship
don’t hurt. Lying, cheating and screwing
with people’s feelings and emotions hurts.
Never mess with someone’s feelings just because you’re unsure of
yours. Always be open and honest.
14.Give what you want to receive. –
Don’t expect what you are
not willing to give. Start practicing
the golden rule. If you want love, give
love. If you want friends, be friendly. If you want money, provide value. It works.
It really is this simple. Read
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
15.Say what you mean and mean what you say. –
Give the people in your
life the information they need, rather than expecting them to know the unknowable. Information is the grease that keeps the
engine of communication functioning.
Start communicating clearly.
Don’t try to read other people’s minds, and don’t make other people try
to read yours. Most problems, big and
small, within a family, friendship, or business relationships, start with bad
communication.
16.Allow others to make their own decisions. –
Do not judge others by
your own past. They are living a
different life than you are. What might
be good for one person may not be good for another. What might be bad for one person might change
another person’s life for the better.
Allow people to make their own mistakes and their own decisions.
17.Talk a little less, and listen more. –
Less advice is often the
best advice. People don’t need lots of
advice, they need a listening ear and some positive reinforcement. What they want to know is often already
somewhere inside of them. They just need
time to think, be and breathe, and continue to explore the undirected journeys
that will eventually help them find their direction.
18.Leave petty arguments alone. –
Someone else doesn’t have
to be wrong for you to be right. There
are many roads to what’s right. And most
of the time it just doesn’t matter that much.
Read How To Win Friends and Influence People.
19.Ignore unconstructive, hurtful commentary. –
No one has the right to
judge you. They might have heard your
stories, but they didn’t feel what you were going through. No matter what you do, there will always be
someone who thinks differently. So concentrate
on doing what you know in your heart is right.
What most people think and say about you isn’t all that important. What is important is how you feel about
yourself.
20.Pay attention to your relationship with yourself. –
One of the most painful things in life is
losing yourself in the process of loving others too much, and forgetting that
you are special too. When was the last
time someone told you that they loved you just the way you are, and that what
you think and how you feel matters? When
was the last time someone told you that you did a good job, or took you
someplace, simply because they know you feel happy when you’re there? When was the last time that ‘someone’ was
YOU?